Live Through This

1:36AM

ANGRY. PISSED. EXHAUSTED. 

feeling like it’s all slipping away. 

and I want to catch it. 

I need help. 

Tired of Everything.

no one appreciates anything i do. 

I need to dip off the grid for awhile. 

a long while. 

Shit.

has hit the fan. I’m tired. fuck it. fuck. fuck. it all. 

The Wall

Today was a great day. I hung out with friends, made it safely to and from the destination. I was brimming with happiness. 

But now I sit here and I have to face my problems, and I have realized that no matter how far I go, they will always be there. I have realized that what I thought I needed is ruining me. I know longer know where I’m headed. I’m tired. I know when I’m being lied to. Perceptible. Now this also makes me very stupid because I knew and I knew, but yet here I sit. I know what I have to do. So if this is the last word you hear from me in a while, don’t worry. This is not a suicidal manifesto. This is the manifesto of an anxious, depressed young woman who currently only wants to listen to Pink Floyd and escape reality. If only for a little while. I’ll be back eventually. 

To Spring 2013 and Summer 2013(My last semester hopefully)

I will destroy you.

Sincerely, 

A surviving English student. 

A Rock, A Struggle, Synonymous

2013.

You have already hit a snag, and I’m hoping that there is a point of some return here. I really hope so. I really really hope so.

PLEASE.

So 2012 Is Done and Has Been For…3 Days?

2012…All I have to say about the year was that it was extremely hard, but I am extremely thankful that I lived through it. I have learned so much about myself, and I am really hopeful for the future. The second half of the year was by far the toughest part of the year for me, and at times I didn’t know whether or not I was as strong as I said or thought I was. But I will say that as I reflect over this year’s troubles and everything that has occurred, I realize that my main problem is that I want to do all that I can for people until I realize that those people are undeserving of these things. I think this is attached to my need or want to be well-liked or have friends. I don’t need that. I would rather have very few tight or good friends over a lot of friends who take advantage of me. Another thing I realized is that while I am not sure about many things in my life, I am sure that I want to be a writer, I love my family and friends, and I love my boyfriend/fiance. I am excited for all that 2013 brings, and I hope that my relocation will help with my better attitude. As for resolutions, haha I had to. I do it every year it seems like. 

1. Read everyday.

2. Write everyday and submit for publishing. 

3. Workout 4 to 5 times a week. 

4. Actually complete the 5k on March 16th. 

5. Build a stronger relationship with God. 

6. Maintain friendships and/or make them stronger. 

7. Have a stronger relationship with my fiance. 

8. Build stronger family relationships. 

9. Laugh more.

10. Save A LOT more in order to get my first apartment or townhouse. 

11. Last, but certainly not least; Graduate. 

Been Awhile

Since my last blog. 

Everything is going okay. Christmas is here! Merry Christmas. I’m off work, but I have to work tomorrow. I’m grateful for this last day of work. 

Things got kinda rocky in the love department, but as of right now everything is great.

As this year comes to the end, I am grateful for the great people in my life who have stood by me through the rough times. I passed all of my classes. I may have gotten my first C, but that’s okay. Money is tight right now, but I know a way will be made. 

I kinda know where I wanna go in life. I know that I am obsessed with the idea of having a high paying job, but happiness also counts. 

So…with that said, I’m shooting for the top. I’m going to do whatever it takes for me and my family and loved ones are taken care of. That means weeding and cutting out those who have screwed me or treated me like shit. They are already in my rearview, behind me, but I have my eye on them. 

See ya soon for the NYE resolution blog. 

CRAZYYY NEWS AND GREAT NEWSSS

Got some crazy shit out there. So now it’s off my chest. 

I’m so ready for all of my grades, so I can send the transcript. 

My great best friend is coming down on Thursday. Ready to hang out. It’s been less than a week and I miss her.

I work tomorrow, and I don’t want to. 

BUT I GOTTA MAKE MY DAMN MONEY. 

This has been my news.

Signing off

Yep

This week has been hell, but it has turned around. I might be speaking to soon, but it’s almost done and then finals. Oh, finals. I hate you, but I’m so ready for you. My friends have been so awesome to me. I have an earache, but I’m still chugging along. In other news, I miss my boyfriend, and I would love some more dip.